When you get Pissed off

Posted March 4, 2011 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

Theres a lot of times where little things annoy the hell out of me and feel like blowing up. Whether its things, situations, feelings, or OTHER PEOPLE. some people cope by blowing up at whatever they think pissed them off, and others blow up inside. I do both sometimes. Sometimes both at the same time.

I found a key though. Especially for little things. Little things like getting cutoff while driving, or someone irritating you. But this only implies when its obvious that no one is purposely trying to piss you off.

For example, when youre trying to concentrate and a bunch of immature high school girlish people start making annoying comments and giggles, it irritates me. But then, the key is…..EMPATHY. sounds wierd. i know. But, whta you gotta do, is put your mind in theirs, when I do this, I realize that there is no way they are trying to purposefully irritate Sooraj Singh. Its just the way they are. The thing that bothers most people the most in this situation is not the actual annoyance but the people themselves for annoying you, as if they are doing it on purpose. But if you put your self in their minds for just a second and realize that thats just the way they are, you can deal with the irritation much easier cuz you know that those people that are being irritating have nothing to do with you.

 

Another example, some one cuts you off on the freeway. Irritating. The other driver doesnt even know you. So its not personal. The act of cutting you off takes about 5 seconds. So really, you should only be pissed off for 5 seconds. But then people start getting mad at the other person. They werent trying to piss you off. They were just being selfish. But the point is, the actual annoyance does not last long if you take the persona-ness out of it. now if those annoying girls keep it up their giggling thats another story. The end

Self Esteem and Confidence

Posted February 24, 2011 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

Alright so last time I talked about mental health in general, but now i wanna talk about something that all people, but especially people in my age group ( young-mid adolescence) think about, and thats self esteem and confidence.

Usually in my other posts I never really talked about myself personally, but from now on im going to start talking about my life a little bit to demonstrate some points and examples.

For instance, a couple of years ago, I was having some rough times, and yes it was with a girl, the first relationship I had. And when it ended, I was shattered. But the thing is, I wasnt shattered because I was “in love” or anything like that. I mean, i was only 21 years old. The main problem was that my self esteem took a blow. This emotional sucker punch caused a lot of unnecessary damage. I started thinking stupid thoughts like im worthless, ill never find another girl again, no one will like me again, she was so great, blah blah blah.

But looking back at it, which is easy to do now, what i should have done was just let it suck. Let that feeling of loss suck for a while and let it pass as other things filled my life. Now how does this relate to self esteem and confidence?

well, for next time, and I hope there wont be a next time but its inevitable, i should realize not to put any other person on a pedestal. Because that concedes that you are an inferior human being. You are not inferior, you are different. We are all born with a blank slate in our minds, and the things that happen to us and the way we react to them are what makes us different. But the point that this implies is that since we are all intrinsically the same, no one is better or less than you. Now this all sounds happy go lucky and all, but the truth is, you have to believe in it in order for your self esteem and confidence to maintain at a healthy level. And by healthy level I mean a realistic level.

For example, if someone does better than you at something, what you have to do is realize that its not because they are better people than you, its that they did something differently than you which in turn elicited a different result.  And if you think someone is smarter than you because they always get better grades than you, its not because they are just better, its because they were given a different set of circumstances. And I promise that you were given a better set of circumstances for other aspects of life.

The most important point is, that once you “believe” that you are a worthy self confident, secure individual, than you will act like one out of habit. Once you do this, you will see results. Once you see results, your self esteem, sense of security, and confidence will continue to be maintained. It is a cycle. But you have to get yourself “into” this cycle which is the hard but doable part. well have it in us to be confident, self secured people and once you have that, nothing can really hurt you inside. and thats a fact.

An Evolutionary Approach to Mental and Physical Health

Posted February 21, 2011 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

Hello follower(s)

So it has been almost a year since i have created a post. My previous entries have been reflections of my own issues that I had manifested in self help type psychological and cognitive approaches. That is, I shared my own insight on how to approach problems and issues in life in a “thinking” approach. The basis of this approach was that individuals have almost no control over the problems that are presented to them in one way or another. However, your mind is controlled by you. Therefore, your reaction to the encounter is controlled by YOU. As a result, the emotions and feelings you feel are a consequent of your own thoughts. Now this is no easy tasks. Our minds, from youth, are trained to automatically create negative thoughts to generate negative emotions in order to train you to avoid these problems in the future, which is an evolutionary mechanism. However, as adults, in order to improve the quality of our lives, we can change the way we react to the problems we face. This in turn has a scientific result in our bodies. Our negative thoughts create negative emotions  which cause stress which in turn cause our bodies to react by releasing hormones such as cortisol that negative effects a variety of our bodily processes, mainly our mental health. Now this can also be an aspect of evolution because those who are constantly stressed and filled with negative emotions are probably those that encounter the most problems and those are the ones that are not subject to “survival of the fittest”. As you can probably tell I am a strong believer of Darwin, mainly because it makes perfect sense on a biological level. However, the twist I am trying to put on this is that we are not predetermined to be the fittest and survive or be the non-fittest and be evolved into a goat or something. My twist is that is OUR control to become the fittest individual that we can be. And by fittest i dont necessarily mean physically fit. I mean fittest as in having the strongest will power, the least distorted thought processes, which I will cover in a later post, having the most control of our thoughts and thus emotions, and having good habits, which I will discuss next. Notice how all of these things are in our power where as in traditional Darwinism you either had wings to fly and get food or you didnt have them and perished forever or turned into a toad. In todays world, the adaptations we need to make to survive our the adaptations we make in our minds. The take home message that I am trying to make in this post is that human beings are all have the mental power to not only survive in a Darwinian sense but to thrive and be happy in a spiritual and self fulfilling sense in order to live the most complete and happy lives that they can. These things dont happen to us, we create them ourselves.,

Now that I have introduced that convoluted rant that I hope made some kind of sense, I am going to present some examples.

1. Everyday, eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up. Sounds simple. And I am a hypocrite because my breakfast often consists of coffee mixed with half and half and three teaspoons of sugar. I dont mean that kind of breakfast .I mean something solid. Now the reason for this. Yes, more of Darwins theories. Back in the days of the hunter gatherer, the people would have to get up early in the morning and find food. In order to do this they needed energy in the form of food. If they didnt, obviously they would not be healthy. Therefore, are bodies are designed to have solid food in our stomachs because if we dont, it sends signals to the rest of our bodies that we are not able to find food and that we are not of the fittest and should not be selected for survival. This presents in sicknesses, which is natures way of “weeding you out of society”, as dramatic as that sounds it stems from our history.

 

2.  Take a 30 minute walk everyday. This also sounds simple. But there are some rules. No ipod, cell phone, or any kind of music. Rule number 2, take the walk in a place surrounded by nature, like a park, or around a like or river. The reason, besides the obvious of losing calories and increasing oxygen through blood circulation, is that hunter gatherers would need to spend a lot of time walking, without ipods and cell phones, through the woods looking for food. Therefore, our bodies made adaptations to make these needs. Today however, that hasnt changed. Evolution doesnt work backwards. If we dont do this, however subtly it may present itself, we are telling our bodies that we cannot look for food and again the weeding out process takes place. This time in the form of decreased mental clarity, vulnerability to illness, lack of energy. Now the mechanism of this could be that hormones  are released through the physical act of the walk and the surrounding natural settings that the mind subtly notices which releases hormones that induce a sense of calmness and promote good health. For instance, a recent study showed that amongst two groups of cancer patients, those with windows that showed natural settings or with pictures of nature, and those with no windows or pictures of such sort, the first group showed and improvement rate of nearly 40 percent, demonstrated the effect of nature on the body’s resiliency. Maybe this is why people bring flowers to patients in hospitals? perhaps not knowingly but maybe we are ingrained subconsciously have this sense of altruism.

 

well, that about sums up my thoughts for now. What I tried to do was present an evolutionary, scientific, and progressive approach to show us that we have control over a vast array of the many aspects of our lives and we should take advantage of them to improve the quality of our lives. But by no means am i trying to imply this is easy. We have to work at it for long enough to make it our habit. From then on we are well on our path to maximizing the potential of the quality of our lives.

Thank you for reading and I hope I have in some way shape or form helped you.

 

-Sooraj Singhy

Existential Crisis!

Posted April 29, 2010 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

So I have recently encountered a crisis, or I should say, an “awakening”. I have realized that our lives and our behaviors are simply products of our “feelings”. However, what exactly are “feelings”. They are simply chemical changes in the body that are related to certain subjective emotions. But the troublesome and yet refreshing idea is that, these feelings and emotions are caused by “thoughts”. These thoughts, for the most part, seem to be created by external events. However ,before they become feelings and emotions, are minds, whether we realize it or not, has to process them. This is the part that is intriguing. We as individuals control this process. The difference between some of us is that we all process these same external events in entirely different manners. This leads to a different set of feelings and emotions to the same exact external events.

Now what determines how we process these events? the way we are brought up? yes. Our previous experiences? yup. Our current mindset? Definitely. This is the most important part.  The majority of our feelings are within our control. We can use cognitive manipulation to change our feelings. Most of the times, for example, negative feelings are caused by cognitive distortions, which are illogical ways of interpreting the world that lead to negative feelings. However, when we uncover how these thoughts distort reality, our feelings change.

Now how does this relate to an existential crisis? well because of its fundamental nature. That is, if feelings are simply manifestations of our thoughts, and thoughts can be manipulated, then what is the point of life? For example, people strive to reach happiness and they do things that will get them there and avoid things that will hinder them, but if happiness is a result of the mind then what is the point of doing all these things to “reach” happiness?

Another example, if something goes wrong, whats the point of being sad when we can take a “drug” to make that feeling go away , or change our thought process to make that feeling go away. If it is ALL in our HEADS, what is the point of our actions? What is the point of succeeding if it is just a “feeling” and a “feeling” is just a chemical process?

This is the crisis that I am dealing with and I ask YOU for some clarity.

Regretful Thinking

Posted December 29, 2009 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

Not only is the power of perspective important in shaping the overall outlook of an individual’s life, it is an essential tool for understanding the past and how you interpret and remember it.

For instance, when a person remembers an occurrence in his or her life, he or she often fails to reconstruct the mental framework in which that event took place. This is, essentially, a fallacy because in order to remember the event as it truly occurred and to feel  the emotions and feelings associated with them, one has to  live inside that moment. Instead, however, people usually view memories of the past through their current mental state. Although this is natural, there is no sense to this. For example, a common thought process with regards to regret is  ” why did I do things the way I did, I should have done it this way or that way”. However, you are only thinking this because of what you know NOW and not what you knew THEN, which is when the actual event occurred.

The only way to logically regret something is to put oneself into the same exact mental state in which one experienced the regretful event. However, this is impossible because of our constantly changing mental state. That is, our mental state ( which is the same as our perspective, framework, construct, etc.) is never the same in any two given moments. If we are always living then we are always experiencing. If we are always experiencing then we are always changing. If we are always changing our mental state is always different. I am a different person than I was one hour ago. This is because in the past hour I have lived. Even though in the past hour I have done nothing but write, I still lived. Therefore, I cannot experience the same mental state that I experienced one hour ago, no matter how small that difference is, it is there.

In essence, if I am not the same person I was one hour ago, then I am certainly not the same person I was weeks, months, and years ago. It would be illogical for me to employ regretful thinking about things that happened earlier. If this is true, what sense does it make to regret things that happened days, weeks, months, years ago?

The College Bubble

Posted September 30, 2009 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

When young people begin college and move into their new lives, they know that they will graduate and leave within four years. Then life starts to happen and you get acclimated to the college life. Everything that happens in college seems like it will have a permanent impact on your life. Although you know that your going to leave, you push that idea out of your mind because you don’t think that your life will change after college.
College is merely an intersection of the lives of many people. This intersection develops into a bubble that encapsulates students. Because people are temporarily stopped at this intersection and a bubble develops, people begin to lose perspective on the outside world because they cannot see it. They only see what is inside the bubble. The friends you make, the ones you lose, and the relationships you build all become permanent fixtures in your life. For some people this bubble is shiny and happy, for others the bubble is dark and polluted with bad experiences. However the bubble looks like, its function is still the same: to block out the actual world.

Fast forward to graduation and the bubble seems to pop suddenly and the real world is exposed and all of the contents of the bubble spill out into the world causing a random mess of memories, friendships and responsibilities. Some attempt to desperately repair the bubble that provided them with so much comfort. Because in a sense, the bubble protects you from the wrath of the real world and its real responsibilities and dangers. For others, the disintegration of the bubble sheds new light into their lives and allows them to expand their horizons and apply what theyve learned in college to the real world. However, these two groups of people do not develop until the bubble is broken. When the bubble is intact, everyone is the same student living the same life with different specifics.
Realize that the bubble was necessary and it taught you something. Realize that it served a function and you are now the product of that bubble that taught you so much. Do not hold on and try to go back inside, because you have already learned what you need, going back will only take away from the next chapter in your life. Let go and move on. Everyone is in the same boat.

To find happiness in your adult life you have to realize what college meant to you and apply it to your present life. You have to realize that it was always temporary and it was only one chapter in the book that you are writing. Look back at college with a smile but look at the future with an even brighter one. Most of all, live your life knowing that your world does not have limits and that the only bubble you are living in is the World itself.

How Attitude and Perspectives Directly Affects the Quality of Life Experience

Posted July 1, 2009 by pupsingh
Categories: Uncategorized

Have you ever wondered why people around you seem to encounter so much more happiness and success than you, even when they have access to the same quantity and quality of resources that you do? The common response by people on this enigma is that people are intrinsically different and so some people are better able to utilize resources to their advantage. In a sense, some people are simply predisposed to success and happiness.

However, even though the differences in the lives of these people are intrinsic in nature, that does not mean that they are out of the control of the individual. For instance, many people would point to factors such as genetics and childhood experiences when describing what internal characteristics separate the happy from the sad or the failures from the prodigies. Both of these factors are out of our control since there is nothing we can do to change them. What people often fail to recognize is that there are many important facets of an individual’s intrinsic composition that are products created by our own minds. In essence, we are the controllers of these resources and we can utilize them however we please. Instead being forced to accept the hands that we are dealt, we can be the dealers of our own hands.

The resources that I am referring to are none other than attitude and perspective. Every individual has their own set of unique attitudes and perspectives from which they view the world and interact as a part of it. Similarly, a person’s genetic makeup and childhood experiences are also unique to the individual. However, unlike genetics or childhood experience, attitudes and perspectives are created by the individuals themselves and not their parents or biology. All of these factors contribute to the uniqueness of people, which results in the disparity between successful, happy people and their miserable and failing counterparts. However, attitudes and perspectives can be manipulated to counteract the uncontrollable forces that we are dealt.

One of the main reasons why people do not have faith in this approach is that they have a hard time believing that it actually works. To most people, changing attitudes and perspectives in order to improve life is simply a form of positive thinking that is only useful to lift one’s spirits and is just a way of sugarcoating life’s problems. However, when it comes to medication, people know that it will work because medicine has a direct and understandable effect on the body. Similarly, attitudes and perspectives are a set of predisposed conditions that have the capacity to control the life experience of a person much the same way that medicine does.

More specifically, if a person expects good outcomes by training his or her mind to do so, he will avoid the negative thoughts that are illogical to the task at hand. That is, there is no benefit of negative thinking so why do it? We can control whether our thoughts are positive or negative in nature. If we have positive beliefs about the world, then our experience will be positive because are experiences are products of our beliefs. Once our experience is positive, our moods will increase, and once our mood is good then hormones that increase happiness will be released. Therefore, the thoughts which are in our control behave just like medicine does. We have an unlimited supply of this natural medicinal response, and it is up to us to utilize them. In essence, our controllable thoughts compose the framework for our lives. If we live inside this frame, why not make it a good one?


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